i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
