I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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