apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
