How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
