i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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