How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
