just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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