You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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