i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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