He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
