We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
