Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
