Ambien. No doubt about it.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
