we have pet lesbian snakes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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