I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
