I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
