I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
