he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have feelings that need drinking.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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