Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
