I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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