sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
