Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
