chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
