i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
