Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
