Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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