Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
