Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
