Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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