Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
