i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
