I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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