i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
