Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
