i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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