So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
