Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
