This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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