Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
