She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
