What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
