i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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