Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
