that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize