My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Enjoy the penises
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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