after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
