Yo dont text me then not text me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
