we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
