yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
