idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
