come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
