that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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