You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
