We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
