I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
