I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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