my soul wont recognize me after tonight
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
