Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have already put on my inside pants.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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