So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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