I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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