You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Someone signed my nipple.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize