i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
