Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My life is pants optional.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
