We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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