Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
4 words: hood of his car
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
