also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She even gives head with a lisp.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize