Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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