Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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