I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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