Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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