I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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