I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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