the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
