I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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