You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He better not be in your backpack
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
