and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
