she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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