I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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