I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
