Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
