I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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