Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
