I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Farmville is her only friend.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
