why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
