Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
