pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
