This girl is more easily done than said...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
