i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
this is an emotional support booty call
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
