Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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