Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
