first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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