I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
