Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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