Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
