call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
