Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
