Just cropdusted the office
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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