Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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