First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
whose ass print is on the piano?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
