he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
honey bunches of taint.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
