Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
