Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize