God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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